In a bar
by Sarigo
Summary: "Ladies want gentlemen, Shigure always said." A story in which the Zodiac use their animals in pickup lines. /no pairings; oneshot.


_**An.** _I'm so sorry I haven't been posting regularly, guys! I've been unable to use a computer for a while since mine fried and my little brother is a douchebag. To top it all off, I'm writing this story on a massive iMac, so it's kind of a pain because it keeps autocorrecting me.

As well, I'm unsure as to whether I should post a picture with this story, since none of the computers have photoshop except for, you know, MY DEAD ONE. And I hate posting crappy unedited sketches. I'm not that much of a noob.

Reviews? :)

.

.

* * *

**Kyo:** I don't really know how it started, but apparently I'm in a bar. You see, that damn Yuki, we made a bet, me and him. I said to him, "Hey, Yuki, I may not have beaten you in a fight yet, but at least I'm more attractive!"

Being the smartass he is, he asks me "Oh? Who's the judge of that?"

Can you believe this guy?

So, yeah. Now I'm in a bar. And he's five girl's numbers ahead of me. Dick.

* * *

"Well, hello there."

The bar was less than quiet tonight, what with the World Cup going on and all. In appearance, it was more of a tavern than a bar. The walls were stone, lit by dim lanterns, and its inhabitants were _mostly_ barbarians. Except for him, of course.

Yuki stood by a blond woman, whose features honestly didn't stand out at all. But he wouldn't say that – he was, after all, a gentleman.

She blushed when she realized who he was talking to. "Oh...hello."

_He's probably just going to ask for my order,_ she thought, which didn't really make any sense, but she was drunk so – whatever.

"Is this seat taken?" he asked, sitting down anyways. His voice was , her boyfriend was coming soon, but she didn't mind too much.

In fact, she rather liked the attention.

"My, what astonishing eyes you have," he whispered. Dispite the noise, she could still make that out. "Listen – I lost my cell phone somewhere... do you think you could call it for me? I don't mean to be impolite or anything..."

Without hesitating, she stood.

"EVERYONE, PLEASE BE QUIET FOR A MOMENT!" she yelled. Everyone, to her surprise, went silent. She looked at Yuki. "Your number?"

He gave her the digits. His phone, louder than the TV, yelled out the annoying little jingle all phones are automatically set to. It was on the bar.

"Thank you very much," he said to the woman. "If you like, I'll take your number off-"

"No," she said, almost too quickly. "Keep it."

Yuki blushed, smiled and winked, and went back to sit with Kyo. It honestly looked very awkward but – again – she was drunk, so it was okay.

"I'm going to be shot," the blond sighed, remembering her man.

* * *

**Kyo: **And...six girls' numbers ahead of me...

Seriously, bro?

* * *

**Yuki: **There's no doubt in my mind that Kyo should be able to at least get one number, maybe from one of the uglier ones? Thing is, he's rude. Doesn't know how to play it off like me. Can't even pretend to be nice.

Ladies want gentlemen, Shigure always said.

* * *

Brushing back his hair, Kyo approached his third woman now. Her hair was long and black, and her skin white as snow. Her features were all distinguishable, and overall, she was very pretty.

Which was probably why he was nervous. At the moment, he was willing to try almost anything. He felt a rejection coming on.

"S-say..."

She looked up at him, sending a shock down his spine.

"Um, uh..."

Come on, Kyo. Pick-up lines. Think pick-up lines.

"So these three guys walk into a bar, planning on picking up a few girls while they're there. Of course, with their clouded judgement, they aren't able to tell which girl is the most beautiful. So each of them consults the bartender. The first guy walks up and asks the bartender, 'Hey, bro, who's the most beautiful broad in here?' and the bartender says-"

The girl glared at him, so he stopped talking.

"Honestly," she mumbled to herself. "Do you really think there's a single girl out there that HASN'T heard that one before? Get out of here."

As she wished, Kyo miserably crawled himself back to the table. Yuki grinned, and held up a few miscellaneous sheets of paper, each with numbers. Nine. Nine numbers.

"Three girls just approached me and handed them to me," he boasted to Kyo. "Didn't even say anything."

At that moment, the bar went silent once more. The door slammed open, and revealed a tall, mischievous looking man with black and white hair and a nice figure.

He sat with Yuki and Kyo.

"So..." he whispered. "I hear you two are having a contest to see who can pick up the most numbers..."

Yuki nodded, then smiled. "Why, Haru? Does that intrigue you?"

"Yes, actually. I'm wondering why I wasn't invited. Perhaps I could join you?"

"But of course. Kyo here wasn't giving me any competition anyways. This will make things interesting."

* * *

**Kyo: **So now we have this guy to deal with. And if he were staying in his White Form, I'd say there'd be no competition. Women like men with confidence and cockiness, at least when they're drunk. However, I have a feeling he's gonna be swapping into Black Form for this, considering that side of him is a major pervert...

* * *

**Hatsuharu: **This will be easy, I think. All I have to do is switch over to Black Haru and KA-BOOM! All these girls who are attracted to the "Bad-boy" type will be all over me. Which is every girl, if they're looking for a man in a bar at least.

* * *

He seemed to have changed into Black Haru the minute he was invited to join. His face got troublesome in an I'm-into-bondage type of way.

He walked over to the nearest table with the unmistakable aura of a douche. There sat a woman and her husband.

"Well, hello there," he said, stroking his hair back with a large amount of confidence. "Say, have either of you ever ridden a bull before?"

Not only the wife, but her husband as well, were both looking at him with an overwhelming amount of lust in their eyes.

"No, sir," the wife replied. "I haven't."

"Would you like to find out what it feels like?" he grinned, in a menacingly harmful way. Both of them blushed and giggled, and wrote their numbers down on a sheet of paper.

Haru returned.

"I'm not sure if men's numbers count but...I got a woman's."

"You're a bastard," Kyo grumbled.

"Yes, but I'm obviously a very sexy bastard."

"It was a nice pick-up," Yuki nodded. "If only I could use the mouse for a pick-up line that didn't involve climbing into people."

"That's just disgusting, you rat."

"There's certainly nothing sexy about a cat, that's for sure," Haru laughed. "I mean, perhaps if you were a girl you could make a few "Cat" puns, but..."

"You watch me!" Kyo yelled, running to a table with a woman sitting by herself. She looked absolutely drunk.

* * *

**Kyo: **I believe it's time for me to unleash my secret weapon. The ultimate pick-up. The one I've been working on every night before I go to sleep, simply so that I could perfect it.

* * *

"Excuse me, ma'am."

The woman looked at him, and burped. It was honestly rather disgusting to imagine using the said pick-up line on her...so he decided he'd just use another route. Of course, he couldn't really think up another quickly, so he just stood there looking stupid.

"Hello there, boy," the woman said, grinning. "Tell me, is that your natural hair color?"

Damnit. He couldn't use that line...Haru had already used it many times, and one does not steal another man's line.

"Yes ma'am," he replied, dumbly.

"Are you sure?"

"Well," he was pondering on whether or not to just use the line.

"Because if it is," she said, getting too close for comfort. "I'd really like to see some proof..."

The bar opened again and all the men stopped talking.

* * *

**Yuki: **So there I am, minding my own business, when Miss Tohru walks in, looking terribly lost. And that's when every man in the bar stands up. I'm totally freaked out, because she could be in danger. But then they just idly approach her, hand her paper, and walk out. And on the paper - cell phone numbers.

I'll be damned.

* * *

**Hatsuharu: **It was like all of the dark energy left me when I saw her. So I guess I stood up, too, and handed her my number.

* * *

**Kyo: **Idiot! She already has your number! And you you don't just give your number away to a girl! How pathetic are you?

Wait, Tohru...why is she even here?

* * *

Tohru walked up to them, shaking her head.

"Guys, it's about to start raining...I finished grocery shopping, but you all disappeared when I made my way out..."

Yuki dropped down to his knee.

"Forgive me, Tohru," he pleaded. She smiled.

"I'm not mad, you just...worried me."

So, the three of them - Yuki, Hatsuharu, and Tohru - skipped merrily out of the bar.

"Guys, wait up!" Kyo yelled, running away from the frightening woman and towards the exit.

* * *

**Kyo: **So I'm a little bummed out that I didn't win the contest. I'm even more bummed out that Tohru, of all people, won. I didn't even get a number.

* * *

**Yuki: **Once again, Miss Honda catches me doing something foolish. I really need to tone down a bit. She probably thinks of me as an idiot...

Was this the cat's plan all along? To make me look stupid?

Time to consult my angst diary...

* * *

**Tohru: **I wonder what I should make for dinner...

* * *

.

.

**notes. **well, this is officially the most pointless thing I've ever written in the history of forever. But it's still funny-ish, so I'd say I've done my duty as a true American.

Oh, so I watched Prometheus and Snow White and the Huntsman...good movies, guys! They don't suck! :D


End file.
